


Ink in Water

by quantumdragon



Series: Garashir Quarantine Fics [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: (at least during this fic), Elim Garak Has Anxiety, Love Confessions, M/M, Truth Serum, Unrequited Love, a compulsive liar gets dosed with truth serum, accidental confessions, oh no
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-02
Updated: 2020-06-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:53:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24514159
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quantumdragon/pseuds/quantumdragon
Summary: Garak is accidentally dosed with truth serum and then stuck in quarantine with Jadzia and Odo, who are rather surprised when Garak lets one of his secrets slip.
Relationships: Julian Bashir/Elim Garak
Series: Garashir Quarantine Fics [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1771492
Comments: 20
Kudos: 188





	Ink in Water

**Author's Note:**

> I always wondered how Garak would fare under compulsive truth serum, so I decided to write a little fic about it. I plan to follow this up with two other quarantine-related fics, so don't expect Garak and Bashir to get together until the third. 
> 
> I'm pretty new to this fandom, so I am honored to have the wonderful [almaasi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/almaasi/pseuds/almaasi) as my beta for this fic.
> 
> If you like linguistics or are curious about the word 'yizhakar', check out [my work on Kardasi!](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qzO1WHI20wg7j5w3cqviSE5QgvabUMke3URzshl4QsU/edit?usp=sharing) If you want to see more of me, follow [my tumblr](https://quantumdragon42.tumblr.com/), and if you want to share this fic, you can do so [here.](https://quantumdragon42.tumblr.com/post/619858199449894912/ink-in-water)

“Will you stop that!” Odo snapped. Garak paused mid-step, head snapping up in mild surprise. 

“Of course,” he responded. “I had no idea my pacing was causing you such emotional distress.”

“I am not in emotional distress,” Odo growled. Jadzia groaned.

“Oh, so you’re _not_ concerned about our exposure to a completely unknown alien toxin in the Gamma Quadrant, and you’re _definitely not_ annoyed by the five hours we’ve spent in quarantine since our return, huh?” she said. She sighed, and continued, “Look, this situation has all three of us on edge Odo, admit it.”

“I’m perfectly fine, Commander,” Odo retorted, “and I’m sure Garak is fine as well.” Jadzia opened her mouth, and Odo cut her off with, “No, I don’t feel like talking, thank you for your concern, Commander Dax.”

Jadzia stifled a snort of amusement.

“And just what is so amusing about that, Commander?” Odo snipped. Jadzia sighed once again. She was starting to feel short-tempered from the situation as well, and had no desire to play diplomat with an irritated Odo.

“We’re all in emotional distress, Odo,” she stated. “It’s been six hours since we were exposed to the toxin, and there seems to be no sign of its possible effects. We’re cooped up in a tiny space with nothing to do besides wait for further instructions. If we were dealing with a known substance, we would have some sort of time-frame for when to expect symptoms or recovery, but this ‘Verudikan toxin’ is completely alien to us. There’s just too much uncertainty.”

“And?” he prompted.

“And it’s worrying! We’re troubled by that uncertainty, but it’s nothing to be ashamed of. So how about we channel our energy into something better than snapping at each other?” The constable sighed and glanced at Garak, who seemed to be observing this conversation with cautious interest. Odo looked back to Jadzia.

“Well? What do you suggest we do with this time?” he questioned.

_Better_ , Jadzia thought. _Still snappy and sarcastic, but not overtly hostile. That’s practically baseline Odo_. She shrugged with exaggerated indifference. “Talk.”

“While I do enjoy a good conversation,” Garak butted in, “a simple command of ‘talk’ is very little to base it on. What shall we talk about?” Having stopped pacing, he stood at a measured distance from the other two and continued to watch them with his ever-present slight smile. Jadzia widened her own smile at the perfect opening.

“I dunno. Anybody caught your eye recently?” She punctuated the question with a quick raise of the eyebrows, turning it into a tease rather than an interrogation. It had the intended effect - Odo snorted in amusement, while Garak sighed and rolled his eyes. The mood lightened ever so slightly.

“When you suggested we talk, Commander, I had assumed it would be about something of more substance than...what’s the phrase?” Garak said. “Ah, yes - schoolboy crushes. Where exactly were you hoping to lead us with this?”

“I mostly just wanted to lighten the mood. I disliked the tension,” Jadzia said, and then furrowed her brow. That...wasn’t what she had meant to say. It was the truth, of course, but she had meant to tease a little further, keep spirits up. She opened her mouth to try and spin her blunt statement into another fun tease, but all that came out was, “I didn’t mean to say that.” She blinked in shock. “I didn’t mean to say that, either!” The other two looked at her with concern.

“Are you alright, Jadzia?” Odo said. 

“Physically, I’m fine, but I am worried about the fact that I keep saying things that I didn’t plan on saying,” she responded. And there it was again! The answer just burst forth without any editing, as soon as she thought it. Garak stepped closer, abandoning his careful distance. Noticing, Jadzia blurted, “Glad to see that your concern has overridden your strange paranoid caution. Keeping people at an emotional arm’s reach doesn’t necessarily mean keeping them at a physical one too, you know.” Garak looked taken aback.

“You can never have too much caution, Commander. Staying out of arm’s reach means I am out of the knife's reach as well. Both emotional and physical distance are quite necessary for my survival,” he responded, before frowning in confusion. “It was not my intention to state that quite so frankly,” he said.

“So it’s happening to you too!” Jadzia exclaimed. “Thank goodness!” She stopped, then continued, “Well, it’s not that I’m glad you’re also afflicted, exactly, more that I’m glad that I’m not the only one who seems to be having this problem. Makes me less worried that there’s something gravely wrong with me.”

“Wait just a minute,” Odo interrupted. “I’m a little more worried about the fact that if you’re saying things you didn’t mean to say, that means you’ve lost your impulse control. And if it’s affecting both of you, that means it’s likely to affect me as well, and I’m not a fan of losing control.” Hearing his own words, Odo stopped and sighed. “Well, it seems it’s too late for that.”

“Indeed,” Garak said. “I’m guessing that this is the first symptom of the toxin.”

“First?” Jadzia said.

“While it’s possible that this is the only symptom, I want to be prepared for things to get worse,” Garak responded.

“Cautious pessimism. A good policy,” Odo said.

“An annoying policy,” Jadzia said. “It’s hard to stay positive around you two. You’re so prepared for the worst that it brings down team morale.” Odo turned to her in concern.

“You think I’m bad for team morale?” Odo asked.

“Not you,” Jadzia said defensively, “just your attitude.” There was a palpable silence.

“That hurts my feelings,” Odo said. “Especially because I know that you really do think that.”

“I’m sorry,” Jadzia said. “I wouldn’t have said it normally because I know it’s mean, but this damned truth serum leaves me no choice.”

“I suppose I should go ahead and tell Dr. Bashir that we’ve started feeling symptoms,” Garak muttered, sitting to work with the runabout’s comm panel. Jadzia and Odo ignored him.

“If you had a problem with my behavior, you should have told me,” Odo growled. “I’m trying to be a better team player, and I can’t improve if I don’t know where I’m going wrong.” 

“You haven’t asked! As far as I was aware, you were only trying to be a better team player with Major Kira!” Jadzia snapped.

“If you’re implying I’m only trying to open up to Nerys because of my feelings for her, that’s not true! I spend most of my time with her! Being a better team player starts with her,” Odo replied, and then blinked in surprise at his blatant confession. Jadzia barreled on, unsurprised by this information.

“No, but the only reason you’re trying to become more open is because you’re in love with her, and you realize that being closed off and pessimistic aren’t exactly great qualities in a lover,” Jadzia said. Somewhere in the back of her brain, her self-restraint shouted at her to shut up before she did serious damage, but her mouth wouldn’t stop.

“I’m trying to become more open with all my friends! It’s just easier with Kira because I spend more time with her. It has nothing to do with my feelings!” Odo threw his hands in the air with frustration and shifted away from Jadzia, his gaze falling on Garak. A moment later he turned back to Jadzia, gesturing emphatically at Garak. “Garak is more open with Dr. Bashir because that’s who he talks to the most. And Garak isn’t in love with Dr. Bashir, now, is he?”

“I am, actually.”

The runabout fell silent. Jadzia turned to look at Garak, her lips parting in shock. However, nothing came out. It seemed her brain had run out of unfiltered thoughts to spew. She could only watch Garak as she processed this information. His back was turned to her, but she could tell that he had stiffened and frozen, the only movement in his body coming from the slight rise and fall of his shoulders. She could hear how ragged his breathing was, how it quickened as he began to hyperventilate. Jadzia glanced at Odo, who looked just as shocked as she felt. She caught his eye, and without a word, the two of them agreed to put their argument aside. 

Garak’s breath grew quicker, and Odo nodded his head towards him, motioning her forward. Yeah, Jadzia would probably be better at this than him.

“It’s okay,” she said softly, slowly approaching Garak. She was well aware that she was now entering the ‘knife’s reach’ of an emotionally distressed former assassin, but Garak didn’t seem to notice her. She crept closer, hovering an appropriate distance over his shoulder. “Garak?” she prompted. Garak flinched and glanced at her, before turning his head away. She sighed. “You haven’t told anybody before, have you?”

A long pause, and then Garak inhaled deeply before letting out the breath in a long, rough exhale.

“I’ve barely admitted it to myself,” Garak said.

This close, Jadzia could see that he was trembling slightly. Slowly, she lowered herself into the seat next to him. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Odo do the same in the seat on the other side. 

“You’re scared right now,” Jadzia observed.

“Of course I am,” Garak snapped. “I’m terrified. My greatest weakness has always been sentiment, and after all these years and all my training, I still can’t control how I feel, not the way I should. All I can do is restrain my actions and keep my sentiments secret, and now I can’t even do that.”

“We aren’t going to use this against you, Garak,” Odo said.

“Not intentionally, sure. But now you know. Now my weakness is out in the air, a fact in your minds, a rumor on the tips of your tongues. If you slip up, it’ll spread like ink in water, and there will be no way to bottle it back up.”

“Love isn’t a weakness, Garak,” Jadzia said. “It’s a strength! Worf and I-”

“Yes, yes, you love Worf, and the warmth of that love inspires you and so on and so forth, but Worf loves you back!” Garak snarled, despair seeping through the anger. “He...he would never hurt you,” Garak continued softly. There was a pause.

“Are you afraid Julian would hurt you?” Jadzia asked, slightly incredulous.

“Yes,” Garak said, and then shook his head in frustration. “Not on purpose, he’s far too kind for that - but in some unintentional bumbling way, yes. And if my enemies knew, they could use it against me. The doctor could be hurt.” Jadzia opened her mouth, but Garak cut her off with, “Yes, I know this sounds paranoid to you, but I…” He trailed off. “I feel terribly vulnerable. And I hate that I can’t hide my discomfort and my fear from you, because that’s a dangerous weakness as well, and that just increases my anxiety and it all bundles together and-”

“Hey hey hey,” Jadzia interrupted. “You’re having a panic attack and you need to relax.” She paused, floundering, and continued, “Unfortunately I’m no counselor, and I have no idea if Trill calming techniques will work for you. Maybe Betazoid? Oh, but I haven’t done those in a while and oh boy this isn’t reassuring at all!” She glanced at Odo helplessly.

“Hey, don’t look at me!” Odo said. “I’m bad at dealing with my own feelings, let alone anyone else’s!”

“Well, you’ve got opinions, right? What calming technique should I use?” Jadzia yelled.

“I don’t know any techniques, but I’m pretty sure yelling isn’t one of them!”

They were interrupted by a small noise from Garak. After a moment, another. Jadzia looked at him with concern, until he repeated the noise and she recognized it as a barely restrained giggle. Finally, he let one loose, and then the dam broke, the giggling turning into full laughter. Jadzia joined him, the absurdity of the situation and her previous panic settling in. After a moment, Odo started as well, and soon all three were doubled over with peals of laughter. 

“You know,” Garak said, grinning widely, “it turns out we really did-” He broke into another giggle. Catching his breath, he continued, “-end up talking about our schoolboy crushes!” He broke off into another round of laughter, with Jadzia and Odo close behind. Catching her breath, Jadzia leaned back in her chair and wiped tears from the corners of her eyes.

“Oh, this suuuucks,” she whined, still grinning.

“Sucks?” Odo questioned.

“Old Terran slang, picked it up from Benjamin. This is terrible, basically,” Jadzia explained.

“Well, I certainly agree with that assessment,” Odo said.

“Me as well,” Garak said. Jadzia gave him a quick once-over. The laughter seemed to have done him a world of good, and he looked much more relaxed than before. She noted that the tension hadn’t completely left his body, but considering the circumstances, that may be the best they could do for now. Silence settled between the three of them.

“Well, now what?” Jadzia said after a moment.

“I suppose we wait until the toxin leaves our system, or until Dr. Bashir finds some way to neutralize it,” Garak responded. A wave of slight discomfort passed over his face after he finished, his mention of the doctor made oddly awkward by his unplanned confession. A question crossed Jadzia’s mind and promptly exited her mouth.

“Why don’t you call him Julian?” An awkward pause, and she continued with, “God, sorry, I shouldn’t press, I know you’re uncomfortable-”

“It’s a fair question,” Garak responded. “I know that you do, as does Chief O’Brien, but…” He sighed. “First names are important for Cardassians, even more than second names for Bajorans. Even letting someone know your first name is an act of trust, and calling someone by their first name is...intimate.” He smiled ruefully. “I have been trying to keep myself from becoming overly intimate with Dr. Bashir.”

Jadzia nodded. “That makes sense. Although, don’t you call him ‘my dear doctor’?”

Garak frowned slightly. “Is that not proper? I had believed ‘my dear’ to be the Kardasi equivalent of _yizhakar_ , a term for close friends.”

“Sort of,” Jadzia said, “but it’s mostly for lovers. Nowadays, using it for friends sounds a bit old fashioned or formal. It’s a bit of an ambiguous term, hence my question.”

“Ah,” Garak said, ridges darkening slightly. “Yes, I...suppose that could be seen as overly intimate.” He looked in askance at Jadzia. “Should I stop?”

“Nonono, no need. I’m pretty sure I’ve heard you use the term with other people too, so it just sounds like a...slightly antiquated verbal quirk of yours,” Jadzia said.

“Good,” Garak said, exhaling slightly in relief. 

“You know, if it makes you feel better, I promise not to tell anyone. You know, about your feelings.” Jadzia said.

“I promise as well,” Odo said.

“Thank you,” Garak said. “It doesn’t make me feel better, but I appreciate the sentiment.” The runabout settled into silence once again.

“Wait,” Jadzia said. “How come we’re able to be silent at all, even if it’s only for brief spells? How are we not just constantly spilling our guts?”

“Perhaps we’re only compelled to speak the truth when we’re speaking,” Odo mused. “If we elect to remain silent, our thoughts remain unspoken.”

“If that’s the case, then why have I been constantly compelled to say whatever’s on my mind?” Jadzia responded.

“You do talk a lot under normal circumstances, Commander,” Garak said. “You just usually have control over what you say, so your instincts tell you to talk now, even though you’ve lost that control.”

“Oh. That...that makes sense,” Jadzia said, and then smirked. “And I suppose you’re so used to being able to just lie every time you speak that _you_ keep trying to talk as well.” 

“Well. Yes.” Garak said, nonplussed. “I suppose that Odo is the only one among us who has any real chance of retaining control by keeping silent.” Jadzia and Garak both turned to Odo, who nodded. 

“Huh. You nodded,” Jadzia said. “Which yes, isn’t speaking, but it _i_ s a form of communication. Ooh, maybe we should test if this truth serum affects gesture as well as -”

“Rio Grande, Dr. Bashir here. How are you all holding up?” sounded the comm system. All three people in the shuttle froze. Jadzia and Odo looked at Garak. Garak looked at Jadzia and Odo. Everyone studiously avoided looking at the comm system. The secret stretched between them, a bottle of ink precariously balanced above a still pool of water. They all knew that if they opened their mouths now, the ink bottle would spill.

“Rio Grande? Do you copy?” 

Garak stuck his first in his mouth, panic building in his eyes. After a moment of torturous silence, Jadzia blurted, “Yes, we copy!” and then slapped a hand over her mouth to prevent anything else from coming out.

“Oh, thank goodness,” said Bashir. “Look, I’ve analyzed the blood samples you all beamed over, and it looks like Garak is right - this ‘Verudikan toxin’ seems to be designed to drastically lower your inhibitions, essentially streamlining the thought to speech process. Have your symptoms been consistent with that assessment?”

Jadzia and Garak looked desperately at Odo, who had shapeshifted his mouth away in an effort to mute himself. After a moment, he shifted back.

“Yes,” he said quickly.

“Good, good,” Bashir continued. “The toxin shows no signs of being contagious, so I’m letting you all out of quarantine. You can exit the runabout now and head back to quarters, and the toxin should fade from your system within the next few hours. Oh, and don’t worry about working - I’ve had you cleared of duty until you’ve recovered. Bashir out.” The comm clicked off, and the runabout let out a collective sigh of relief.

“Should we really go back to quarters?” Jadzia asked. “I mean, I’m just worried we’ll run into someone on the way.”

“Use the teleporter,” Garak said.

“Ah, good idea.” Jadzia motioned Odo to the transporter pad and busied herself with entering the coordinates to his quarters. After a moment, he disappeared in a shimmer of light. Jadzia motioned Garak to go next, looking up the location for his quarters as she did. Garak moved to the transporter pad, and then paused and turned to Jadzia.

“Dax?” he said.

“Yes, what is it, Garak?” she responded.

“Thank you.” 

Jadzia nodded, and then sent him on his way. She turned back to the controls to enter her own coordinates when she heard the crackle of the comm.

“Rio Grande, are you still there?” Bashir asked. Jadzia froze, and then took a deep breath.

“I’m here,” she responded.

“Is Garak still there?” 

“Ah, no.”

“Damn. I was going to ask if he wanted to meet for lunch tomorrow as well as Friday.”

“He’ll want to,” Jadzia said, a slight smile creeping onto her face.

“Oh, really? You sure?” Bashir responded.

“Yeah,” she said, with all the truth in her heart. “I’m sure.”

FIN

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, and thank you once again to [almaasi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/almaasi/pseuds/almaasi). 
> 
> If you like linguistics or are curious about the word 'yizhakar', check out [my work on Kardasi!](https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qzO1WHI20wg7j5w3cqviSE5QgvabUMke3URzshl4QsU/edit?usp=sharing) If you want to see more of me, follow [my tumblr](https://quantumdragon42.tumblr.com/), and if you want to share this fic, you can do so [here.](https://quantumdragon42.tumblr.com/post/619858199449894912/ink-in-water)


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